Solve for Joy

Optimizing for the right outcomes

Photo Courtesy of Darrell Lee Photography

Back when I was a consultant, we had this thing we called "solving for the answer." We would take the outcome that the client wanted and try to build a model to solve for it. It worked as an initial sanity check to see if what the client was asking for was even within the realm of possibility, or if the result they sought was so unrealistic that nothing could get us there.

I thought back to this exercise the other day. I was chatting with a friend who embarked on a new career a few years ago. We were catching up on his journey, and I asked him what brought on this abrupt change in his life. He shared about the moment he faced one of the most devastating events in his life and how that led him to the place where he was meant to be. I was very touched by his story; what stuck with me long after our conversation was the advice he left me with: "Solve for joy."

That stopped me. It’s easy to keep doing what you are doing out of habit and wait to see where it gets you. But picking an outcome - in this case, joy - changes the required inputs of your model completely.

Since the start of the pandemic lockdown, I have decided to take advantage of the time I would usually spend on my daily commute to connect with old friends, acquaintances, and others in my network I have not spoken to in a while. I’ve reached out far and wide to people I respect, people I have both strong and loose connections with, to get advice and learn from them. 

Those Who Have Joy

Those who have joy in their lives had this in common: 

• They know where they’re meant to be. Each person had an assurance of the rightness of their path, regardless of how they ended up there. Some endured difficult trials or bypassed paths that could have garnered them more recognition, money, or status. But nearly all of them felt that the journey was part of the destination.

• They work and live in a state of flow. Their demeanor, attitude, and physical bearing all pointed to being in a state of "flow." They woke up excited about each day and the opportunities ahead. They were in a growth and possibility mindset, rather than one of scarcity and inconvenience.

• They don't know the answers, but they see the path they want to be on. Many of the people I connected with still had a tremendous number of questions about the future, but their journey was taking them closer to their life goals and not farther away. Rather than feeling depleted by the lockdown, they were thriving, even in uncertainty.

Those Seeking Joy

During this process, I also met many people who lacked joy in their work and lives. They had this in common: 

• Feeling anxious and uncertain. A friend of mine lost her confidence after taking a challenging job at a hot -- but ultimately dysfunctional -- startup. She abruptly quit after a few months then quickly took another job. She stayed in that role longer than she should have even though it was a bad fit for her.  

• Craving external validation. I spoke to someone who was struggling with indecision about his next step. He was on the executive team of a startup that recently closed. He felt like he had something to prove, so his next step had to be better than the last. He said that he wanted to have something to show for the time he wasted, but he was looking backward, not forward.

• Treading water rather than thriving. A friend who hated her job felt that she didn't have an alternative, because she needed to support her family. Every word she said reflected her palpable frustration about feeling trapped and powerless. It was clear that her top priority was merely surviving her current situation, especially during the lockdown. 

• Living on a predefined roadmap. A former colleague shared how for most of her life she lived based on expectations set for her, whether by parents, teachers, or peers. But then she reached a point where she felt stuck and unhappy, wondering if this was the culmination of her efforts. She eventually went on to make major changes and find joy again in her life. 

Joy in the Journey 

This lockdown forced me to reflect on what really matters and distilled for me what I genuinely care about. This exploration led me to a different result than I expected at the start, but it also gave me a new perspective on where I am now. I encourage you to try the same thing. I wanted this exercise to help me find clarity about what I have, but it was the process itself that led to the most insight. 

Some tactics I’ve found helpful for seeking joy:

• Find people in your life who have joy and ask how they achieved it.

• Look back at the moments when you’ve experienced joy and ask yourself what those situations all had in common.

• Start with the outcome of joy and work backward to where you are. What would it take for you to get from here to there? 

I think the result of this exercise may surprise you, as it did me. I realized that it’s okay to find insight in the waiting, and that the answer may sound less like a clear yes or no, and more like “be patient and listen.” 

Working backward means that a time of uncertainty can be a time of perspective, even in the midst of turmoil. I had been seeking some clarity about my purpose during this COVID period, not knowing what would tame my restlessness. By solving for joy I found that the answer is not yet written, and I’m also not subject to fate’s whims. I’m not merely a character in the story, but rather the writer, someone who has agency in its creation and outlook. As I craft the next chapter, I’m choosing joy and meaning on every page.  

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Postscript

I wrote this article nearly a year ago, during the summer of 2020. While I loved my job at Facebook, I realized that I was doing more than I was learning, and I experienced a sense of restlessness that I had never felt in the eleven years I’d been working there. I decided to give myself until February of 2021 to decide whether to double down and stay or to go. During that time, I spoke to people in the industry to explore different paths, such as venture capital, founding a company, taking another role, or becoming a board advisor. But nothing spoke to me or gave me a sense of joy, so I waited. 

I decided to open myself up to every possibility, and that meant responding to every recruiter who reached out, just to see what happened. That was how I met Agata Reyes from True Search. She shared with me that Ancestry was looking for a new CEO. I didn’t answer her the first time she contacted me, and I wavered the second time. But since I had committed to responding to new opportunities, I ultimately jumped on a call with her. That put me on the path that brought me to where I am today.  

Solving for joy means seeking out where you are meant to be, and here and now, this is the place I am meant to be. I wake up each day excited about the work we do and the positive impact I can make in the world through my work at an amazing company. Looking back to where I was when I wrote the words above, I can feel how far I have come on this journey. As you write your own story, solve for joy, and the rest will follow.