This was unexpectedly moving. Thank you! Especially loved: "There are two kinds of leaders you will encounter. The first walks into a room and fills it with their intellect and insight. You leave impressed, but with less space for others to shine. The second kind draws you in. You leave those conversations inspired and full of ideas. You feel seen, heard, and capable."
I think we've all experienced both types, but I have never thought to frame or articulate leadership in this way.
I laughed a little at the part about experts forgetting how much background they already know. I once had a manager explain a system to me so quickly that I genuinely thought I had blacked out for a moment. He finished the whole thing with “simple, right?” and I nodded like my life depended on it.
Reading your version of this made me smile because you captured the heart of it. People want clarity, not spectacle. And I’ve noticed that when someone takes the time to offer context, the whole team relaxes. It feels like a small kindness that ripples outward.
Communicating this way leaves us feeling connected, and less isolated. So everyone wins when we take the time to listen, and to honour others and their contributions.
I cannot speak for him, but I think sometimes it’s just because people don’t know how they’re coming across until they’re told. Your question reminded me of my big ‘change’ moment when I was a baby content manager. The CEO was celebrating a win in our Slack channel, and instead of going along with everyone else, I pointed out what I thought was an important conflict. (In my autistic brain, there wasn’t a need to acknowledge the win because everyone else had, I thought it was my responsibility to point out what wasn’t being said.)
Later on, I asked our HoM if the CEO was upset with me, because I sensed tension. She has this beautiful way of gently directing and correcting. (We are still friends to this day!)
So, she said, “I think [CEO] felt like you weren’t being supportive of her.” That moment totally shifted my mindset, because I didn’t realize that’s what it felt like to her. I was like “Wow, yeah, I guess I do have a bad habit of leading with the negative rather than a positive.” And that comes off to others as contrarian, know-it-all, difficult. But it’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I have an abundance of care that can sometimes be laser-focused where others feel is misplaced. I would never intentionally want to deflate someone like that!
It taught me a very important lesson, and since then I’ve always been sure to lead with the positive. “That’s amazing! Go team!” then later… “I wonder… I’m curious about… do you think…”
I think sometimes it just takes someone being kind enough to inform you when you sound like a jerk. Lol!
He saw he wasn't having the impact he wanted. He got a leadership coach who helped him see how he was getting in his own way, and he grew and changed. I can honestly say I went from avoiding working with him to wanting to engage after he adjusted his working style.
This was unexpectedly moving. Thank you! Especially loved: "There are two kinds of leaders you will encounter. The first walks into a room and fills it with their intellect and insight. You leave impressed, but with less space for others to shine. The second kind draws you in. You leave those conversations inspired and full of ideas. You feel seen, heard, and capable."
I think we've all experienced both types, but I have never thought to frame or articulate leadership in this way.
I laughed a little at the part about experts forgetting how much background they already know. I once had a manager explain a system to me so quickly that I genuinely thought I had blacked out for a moment. He finished the whole thing with “simple, right?” and I nodded like my life depended on it.
Reading your version of this made me smile because you captured the heart of it. People want clarity, not spectacle. And I’ve noticed that when someone takes the time to offer context, the whole team relaxes. It feels like a small kindness that ripples outward.
That is so funny and relatable. I have worked with geniuses and had no idea what they spoke about half the time. But then was too embarrassed to ask.
Insightful post. Thank you for sharing it.
Here's my learning: https://glasp.co/kei/p/e8c0e74b81cd9e628d4b
Communicating this way leaves us feeling connected, and less isolated. So everyone wins when we take the time to listen, and to honour others and their contributions.
Subtle but important differences. As is so often said, it’s about how you make people feel. Great ideas here, thanks!
Thanks for sharing!
As someone who is getting into the leadership and managerial position for the first time, I found this super useful.
The colleague who was brilliant but whose brilliance got in the way - what prompted him to change?
I cannot speak for him, but I think sometimes it’s just because people don’t know how they’re coming across until they’re told. Your question reminded me of my big ‘change’ moment when I was a baby content manager. The CEO was celebrating a win in our Slack channel, and instead of going along with everyone else, I pointed out what I thought was an important conflict. (In my autistic brain, there wasn’t a need to acknowledge the win because everyone else had, I thought it was my responsibility to point out what wasn’t being said.)
Later on, I asked our HoM if the CEO was upset with me, because I sensed tension. She has this beautiful way of gently directing and correcting. (We are still friends to this day!)
So, she said, “I think [CEO] felt like you weren’t being supportive of her.” That moment totally shifted my mindset, because I didn’t realize that’s what it felt like to her. I was like “Wow, yeah, I guess I do have a bad habit of leading with the negative rather than a positive.” And that comes off to others as contrarian, know-it-all, difficult. But it’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I have an abundance of care that can sometimes be laser-focused where others feel is misplaced. I would never intentionally want to deflate someone like that!
It taught me a very important lesson, and since then I’ve always been sure to lead with the positive. “That’s amazing! Go team!” then later… “I wonder… I’m curious about… do you think…”
I think sometimes it just takes someone being kind enough to inform you when you sound like a jerk. Lol!
Your friend did you a great service sharing how your words (which are true and accurate) came off to the CEO. An important lesson to learn for sure.
she taught me so much. <3 The best manager I've ever had.
He saw he wasn't having the impact he wanted. He got a leadership coach who helped him see how he was getting in his own way, and he grew and changed. I can honestly say I went from avoiding working with him to wanting to engage after he adjusted his working style.
Ah! In that case, I may have to re-read your pieces on giving feedback to help someone I know go on a similar journey. Thanks Deb!