What is the Best Piece of Advice You Received?
The words that transformed the lives of women leaders
Good advice can change the course of your life. In my post from a few weeks ago, Rewrite Your Story to Change Your Path, I shared the story of how a few words—“You can stop fighting now”— made me stop, reflect, and change direction. That simple piece of advice helped me stop being held back by my past and start looking to the future. It made a lasting impact on the way I work and live.
In honor of Women's History Month, I asked some of the most incredible women I know about the best advice they've ever received, and how it changed their lives. I hope that as you read these suggestions, you also reflect on the advice that has affected you the most and share its impact with the people who gave it to you.
“Don’t be limited by other people’s limited imagination.”
Sanyin Siang: Executive Director, Coach K Center on Leadership & Ethics (COLE) Fuqua School of Business
Who shared it: Mae Jemison, the astronaut
Context: Several years ago, I attended an event for Mae Jemison, the physician and pioneer who is the first African American woman to travel into space and who can give you a vision of something that seems impossible and create the confidence to make you feel that it’s attainable. She is bold and fearless as one would expect of a pioneer. She shared advice that really shifted how I thought about myself and about the role of leaders.
How it changed your life: Often, as with many high achievers, I tend to look for external validation for my ideas, for what I could be capable of achieving. And that external feedback is important. However, what Mae’s advice made me realize is that those external to us don’t have all the data about the full range of our capabilities. They may not yet be able to imagine what we might be capable of doing, or the achievability of our ideas. It also means that as leaders, we have to be careful not to be the ones who are the limiting imagination for others. This advice is part not only of how I lead myself and others, but it’s also at the core of my superpowers work on optimizing individuals and teams.
“You're either ripening or rotting.”
Giselle Hale: Mayor, Redwood City and Candidate, California Assembly District 21
Who shared it: My first manager, Dan Bain
Context: I was just starting my career. [Dan] had a career conversation with me that, in retrospect, was remarkably well-thought-out, given that he was a brand new manager. It really set me up for a career that would be guided by what is now called a "growth mindset." At the time, this idea that you just had raw talent was pervasive.
How it changed your life: Dan’s advice helped me create success across several career paths. It's also become a part of the constant drive that I'm either acknowledged for or accused of having (depending on who is commenting). I don't believe in stagnation, thanks in large part to this mantra.
“It's not brutal honesty. It's candor with care.”
Audrey Wisch: CEO & Co-Founder, Curious Cardinals
Who shared it: Marc Katz, CEO & Founder of CustomInk
Context: I was so nervous about giving harsh feedback. I worried about eroding my relationship with my direct report, because he felt like a close friend of mine. I called Marc to get his advice.
How it changed your life: In my attempts to sugarcoat my feedback, I was struggling to be direct. Marc told me, "It's not brutal honesty. It's candor with care." He explained that honest feedback is something you share when you genuinely care about someone. You need to free yourself from the fear that it will be hurtful and reframe it as a way to show your investment in their success. This helped me be so much more direct. Sugarcoating is not doing anyone any good. Speaking honestly is the best thing you can do for someone!
“Too many women get caught up in tiara syndrome. Don’t wait around for someone to put a tiara on your head.”
Kelly Graziadei: Founder & General Partner, f7 Ventures
Who shared it: Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Meta
Context: So many women, including myself, keep our heads down and work our tails off, and then wait to be recognized or given the next opportunity. I have had so many instances in my career when I waited for a promotion or opportunity without voicing my ambitions. I often felt afraid or embarrassed to share what I wanted, as I was worried the person on the receiving end would think, “Who does she think she is?” Sheryl’s advice made me rethink this and realize that I needed to go after what I wanted—and make it known. The most important thing for a leader is to be the leader of your own life. Don’t give the power to determine your value, or to choose your path, away to someone else.
How it changed your life: I took the wheel. I became much more clear and proactive about my ambitions. I raised my hand for new opportunities, even when they were a stretch, because I knew they would allow me to grow. I shared my goals with others, whether to get promoted, get a board seat, or start a venture capital firm. Often, when you make what you want known, people show up in incredible and unexpected ways. I could not have made the leap from operator to investor, or start a VC firm, if I had waited around for someone to recognize my hard work and anoint me. You have to be the leader of your own life, take risks, and seize the opportunities you want most.
“How you ask for feedback matters.”
Julie Miller: Chief Communications Officer, Ancestry
Who shared it: Steve Bennett, former CEO of Intuit
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