Changing Your Mind

How to evolve your thinking and look for evolution in others

Photo by Mark König on Unsplash

“When my information changes, I alter my conclusions. What do you do, sir?”

  - attributed to John Maynard Keynes (ref)

We have a strange relationship with changing our minds. Whenever someone admits they’ve changed their views, we call them a flip-flopper. We call them indecisive or wishy-washy. We might even call them a hypocrite. 

But why? When information changes, isn’t the best course of action to change along with it? Why do we value being so fixed in our point of view that we’re unable to see and process new data? When someone does this, we say they’re “sticking to their guns” or “being confident in their beliefs,” but in reality, it’s simple stubbornness. It’s obstinacy. That’s not something to be praised. 

I recently told somebody I had changed my mind about something we’d discussed in the past. I explained why I used to think what I thought, and then shared how I had updated my point of view thanks to his insight and that of others. He appreciated that I proactively brought it up and acknowledged how he had persuaded me. I think he’d gotten used to shouting into the wind, not knowing what actually changes minds. 

The best leaders are those who are adaptable, the ones who think through the problem and evolve quickly. They're the ones who take in new data, admit they were wrong, and leverage the new information as they move forward. But how is this done, and why is it important?

Understanding your motivation

"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends on his not understanding it.” 

- Upton Sinclair (ref)

The first step to evolving your thinking is actually quite simple: Be willing to. Of course, this is easier said than done. You’ve probably met some people who are so sure of themselves that they don't think they're ever wrong. Conversations with them might seem useless because they just can’t be persuaded. I would know, because I used to be one of them. There was a time in my life when I was a very black-and-white thinker, so sure of my opinions. But as you grow older and gain more experience, you realize that the world is not as straightforward as you once thought.

A PM I once worked with was struggling to persuade somebody of something. I told him to ask them the question, “What data would I have to show you to get you to change your mind?” If they didn’t have a clear answer, then he would know this was an idea they held on faith, a bit like a religious belief. No amount of data can sway a person from their faith (I say this as a person of faith), because that's exactly what faith is: believing without seeing. You would be surprised by how much we take on faith in the workplace. 

I encourage you to start asking yourself the same question: What data you would need to see to prove that something you fundamentally believe is totally wrong? If someone were to come up with that data, would you be willing to change your mind? We always assume that we have all the data points, and that our own beliefs are the most logical. But the human mind has a habit of ignoring inconvenient facts. This happens so often that it even has a name: confirmation bias. 

For many years when doing PM interviews, I would pose a question that few people could guess the answer to with the initial data provided. The question was meant to have candidates set up a hypothesis. Most of the time, they were wrong, but that was the point. I would add one data point, and then another, each contradicting their original hypothesis. Those who stubbornly refused to change their thinking would keep backing into a corner, trying to make the new information fit their original answer. On the other hand, those who adapted and pivoted got to the answer much more quickly. The test wasn’t about whether the first guess was right. It was about what the candidate did when faced with contradicting information, and how quickly they refreshed their prior assumptions to get to a new one. 

While you might not be directly paid for your beliefs, Upton Sinclair’s quote still rings true. You fundamentally get some value out of believing what you believe. There’s an incentive to hold certain opinions, and the best way to become more flexible is to be willing to identify it. The next time your immediate reaction is to dismiss a conflicting belief, or to make the facts fit your opinion, take some time to think about why that is. Interrogate the reason behind what you believe, and understand that everyone is subject to motivated reasoning.

Owning up to changing your mind

“Changing your mind doesn't mean you've abandoned your principles. It may mean you've learned something. It's better to contradict yourself and be accused of hypocrisy than to stick to your guns and sacrifice your integrity. The hallmark of integrity is honesty, not consistency.” 

- Adam Grant (ref) 

Often, when people do change their mind, they aren’t upfront about it. It’s as if their shift in beliefs never happened. I used to find this baffling, until I realized that one of two things might be going on. 

Firstly, research suggests that the human mind is constantly updating and rewriting the stories it tells itself. In one study, researchers asked people where they had been on 9/11. They then checked in periodically over the years, asking them to recount the same memory. 40% of people changed their stories, without any idea they had done so (ref). Think about that: Your mind may be tricking you into thinking you’ve always had certain views and memories. 

The second reason we don’t like to admit when we’ve changed our minds is a bit more simple: ego. We don’t want to look foolish, and we always want to be in the winning coalition. In surveys by the New York Times and Wall Street Journal, four out of five respondents claimed they cast a vote in the 2008 election, when only 61% actually voted. Many more people also claimed to have voted for the winning presidential candidate (of either party) than could have been possible based on the election results. In fact, according to Slate, studies show that the share of people who say they voted for the winning president ebbs and flows based on his popularity (ref). 

Human nature is tricky. We rewrite history, intentionally or unintentionally, to benefit ourselves. But the bravest souls are the ones who stand up and share their evolution, despite everything telling them not to—and this has real benefits. According to a study of entrepreneurs in a pitch competition cited in the Harvard Business Review, more than 75% of those who were presented with information that went against their stated beliefs stuck to their original stance. But those who did change their mind were more likely to advance in the competition by a factor of six. Why? Those who changed their mind were seen as less “confident” but more “intelligent” (ref). And in cases where intelligence is highly valued, changing your mind is actually seen as positive. 

With that in mind, here’s how you can gracefully explain that you’ve changed your mind about something: 

• Be upfront and mark the moment. “I changed my mind.” 

• Be explicit about how your beliefs have changed. “I used to believe X, but I now believe Y.” 

• Explain your reasoning. “This happened because Z evidence came to light and changed my thinking.” 

• Thank the person responsible. “I appreciate [person] for sharing this information with me.” 

Another tip? Document your beliefs and reflect on them from time to time. When I started my job as CEO of Ancestry, I wrote a 10-year look back on the experience. This pre-mortem helped me understand what my North Star was going to be when I arrived. I periodically look back at it to see what has changed, and what hasn’t, given what I know now. As I read it, I often find myself wondering why I thought certain things, and completely forgetting that I had thought others. This reflection process gives me greater insight and helps me be honest with myself, and I encourage you to do something similar. Knowing where you once stood gives you something to compare to where you are now—and where you hope to be in the future. 

Celebrating the evolution of others

“Progress is impossible without change; and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”

- George Bernard Shaw (ref)

Learning from experience is a form of growth, so why not treat it like one? Owning up to being wrong is one of the bravest things you can do. Rather than shame those who are growing and learning, we should make a point to celebrate them. 

Parenting has been a humbling experience. As my son, the oldest of my kids, says all the time, “I was the child you experimented on. The girls get the benefit of all the mistakes you made with me.” And he’s right; having children changed our minds about a lot of things. 

Our youngest daughter had colic for over a year and has fought us at every turn since. She has all the stubbornness and delight of a girl who can’t be cowed. What worked with our older kids never worked with her. She is her own little person with a set of strong convictions. We had to admit that our previous style of parenting failed, but in the process, we learned to evolve and become more adaptable. 

Now, we openly tell people, “We thought we were great parents, but it turns out that we just had two easy kids first.” This usually gets some chuckles from our friends, who say, “I told you so,” but it’s all in good fun. We celebrate that our views have evolved, and our friends do so too. This is part of the learning experience of life. If we could all celebrate those who learn from others and change their minds, perhaps we could get more people admitting to it—and being open to doing it in the first place. 

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For all our talk of humility, as humans, we have a hard time admitting when we’re wrong. We seek in our leaders and politicians a type of consistency that we ourselves cannot achieve. 

But what if we could instead embrace these learning experiences? Rather than calling someone who changes their views a flip-flopper, we should appreciate that they can evolve as new information arises, and seek to do the same thing ourselves. So I’m encouraging everyone reading this to flip the script—in the workplace, at home, and beyond. Let’s change our minds about changing our minds.