Getting Out of Your Own Way

A guide from someone who teaches others to unblock themselves

Over the years of leading teams, I've encountered a recurring pattern that has both fascinated and humbled me. It started with one of my product managers, a brilliant and talented leader, who struggled with peer and manager relationships. Despite my best efforts at coaching—gathering peer feedback, sharing my own experiences, and pointing out specific situations—nothing seemed to break through. In desperation, I connected him with my coach, Katia Verresen.

Me, Katia and Fiji

Months later, he approached me with words that stunned me: "Thank you for connecting me with Katia. She completely changed my perspective, and now I see how my actions affect others. She opened my eyes to why I was acting this way, and I am ready to address it." True to his word, he made remarkable progress from there.

This wasn't a one-time occurrence. One team member after another experienced similar transformations after working with Katia. While other managers and coaches (including me) struggled to create breakthrough moments, Katia consistently helped people see themselves in entirely new ways. It was both surprising, infuriating, and illuminating.

I've worked with Katia for over thirteen years now, and I'm still amazed by her ability to unblock people with just a few words. She has a unique talent for reaching into the deepest parts of people's psyche and helping them see how they're getting in their own way. When I recently mentioned this superpower to her, she seemed puzzled—this skill is so innate to her that explaining it feels like explaining how to breathe. So I decided to uncover the essence of her approach.

The Power of Personal History

I'll never forget my first meeting with Katia. I was asked to meet with her by my skip-level VP, who asked me to get coaching not because I was a rising star but because I was a problem child. Instead of diving into the work challenges that brought me to her, she asked, "Tell me about your family and childhood." It seemed irrelevant at the time, but she was building what she calls a "map of reality." She wanted to understand my references and help me see the movie of my life. She noticed how my name's origin story anchored my identity and how my childhood shaped my self-motivation.

My parents named me Deborah because she was a strong Biblical woman and a leader of her people. She led her nation and served as its judge. Katia helped me see how their hopes and dreams were tied to my name. She told me that our childhood, through what we are curious about, how we played, and what we focused on, contains "crucial information about our gifts and how we express our creative energy."

Unlocking Inner Wisdom

Katia's approach to unblocking people differs because she never gives direct advice. Instead, she helps people see solutions they already possess deep within. As she explains, "When someone is stuck, they're trapped in a particular frame of reference." They can't see other ways of looking at the problem. She sees her job as helping them step into other frames around them.

Over a decade ago, I told her the story of how I would sneak into my mom's jewelry box and untangle her necklaces. For some reason, Mom haphazardly threw her necklaces inside, and they would turn into a giant mass. She reminded me, when I ran into an issue, that I always knew I could get to the answer. "Your mom's necklaces were once untangled, so you know that as you work on disentangling them, there is a solution."

Breaking Free from Self-Imposed Limits

One consistent theme in Katia's coaching is showing how we often get in our own way. This happens because we tend to repeat the same thought patterns, expecting tomorrow to look different while thinking the same way. Katia introduces new perspectives through what she calls "brain crafting"—understanding the labyrinth of thinking that leads to current outcomes and finding a way through to a different path.

She emphasizes the importance of "recognizing when we're operating from a scarcity mindset versus an abundance mindset." This means looking closely at when we are making choices and decisions from a negative frame versus one of possibility. That also means, when success occurs, taking the time to pause to analyze how it was created, thereby building a growth mindset and creating repeatable patterns of success.

Katia's ability to see people with clarity, often better than they see themselves, comes from what she calls "the gift of partnership." When someone is stuck, they're typically operating from a place of scarcity, with clouded judgment and cluttered thinking. By approaching each situation from abundant thinking, she maintains the clarity needed to identify underlying patterns and themes.

Her approach looks at the whole person, not just their work persona. She helps people see "the water they swim in" and identifies recurring patterns that might not be visible to them. By teaching abundant thinking, she enables people to view their situations from broader perspectives and track their thought patterns.

Through my years of working with Katia, I've learned that unblocking ourselves often requires stepping back to see the bigger picture. Sometimes, the very things that hold us back are patterns we've carried since childhood, and recognizing them is the first step toward transformation and unblocking ourselves.

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As we start our 2025 journey, look at moving yourself forward to start the unblocking journey. Here is Katia’s process for closing out 2024 and propelling ahead in 2025.

• Map your 2024 Year in Review

• Choose what you will take with you in 2025.

• Write a letter to yourself from December 31, 2025

By getting out of your own way, you can create abundance and open yourself up to possibilities in the year to come.