The Danger of “What's Next?”
How looking too far ahead can hurt you now
There is a question I hear come up a lot during interviews and podcasts: “What's next for you and your career?” Whenever I hear this, I cringe a little inside. I know they mean it earnestly, and that they're just asking out of curiosity, but this question always makes it seem like the “next thing” has to be better than the last. There’s an implication that we always have to be striving for something more. Bigger. Better.
My husband often quips that the reward for a pie-eating contest is more pie. Whatever it is that we have, we seek more and more and more of it. Yet when do we actually get to enjoy what we have right now? When is it enough?
The danger of always looking for the next thing
In life—and especially in the workplace—we are often taught to keep seeking more. We’re coached to keep looking ahead, to always be striving for something, no matter how much success we’ve already achieved. But that’s a treadmill that has no end. There's always another hour of work you could do, another project you could take on, another committee you could join.
So often, it can change your perspective to simply take a step back and ask yourself, “What does success look like?” Consider that for a moment. If your past self from five years ago could be here today, would they be happy? I’m willing to bet many of you would say yes, because you've gotten so far. And yet, now that you're here, you're on to the next thing, and the next thing, and the next thing…
I remember when I pitched Facebook Marketplace to Mark and he asked me how many people I could imagine using it. I replied, “I don't know. A couple hundred million?” Today, that product has a billion users. I could never have imagined that level of success, and yet it’s so easy to forget how far I’ve come.
The danger of “What's next?” is never being satisfied with what's here now. Never enjoying the view when you reach the summit. Never finding joy in what you have today, and as a result, always wanting more.
Enjoying the now
I’d like you to do something for me: Take stock of now. While this might seem like an odd assignment, I encourage you to give it some thought. Take a few moments and jot down a list of things you love about your now.
A life is made up of a series of nows, not vague dreams of the future. The joy of now is living in the moment and being grateful for what is, not just thinking about what you hope will be.
I have written extensively about pregnancy and motherhood and what those things cost me. What I didn't discuss was the joy I felt in having children and the luxury of time that I had when I went on leave. In some ways, it went past in a blur, it was during those times when my career was at the lowest that I had time to spend with my children. Because of my work, I rarely traveled. And I could be home for dinner every night.
When we rush things, we miss out on the now. The sleepless nights, bottle washing, and diapers felt like they would last forever at the time, but they ended up in the hazy past. Now, when I look at old photographs, I wonder where that time went.
Jonathan, my oldest child, is preparing to leave home for college. I remember the day we brought him home from the hospital. Now he’s about to set off to start his new life at Boston College. I want to hold on to every day before he goes just as much as I went to see him off to his next adventure. Rather than burden him with that, I am capturing whatever moments I can until he is off.
Finding joy in the journey
When I look back on my life, the thing I most wish I could have changed was that I spent most of my life striving.
My school years were marked by my desire to graduate with good enough grades and test scores to get a scholarship to college so I could escape my small town. During my time in college, I worked incredibly hard so that I could get a good summer internship. Those internships were supposed to lead to some great job further down the line. By the time I got my dream job in consulting, I was aspiring to go to get my MBA. Then, when I was in my graduate program, I was working to get great grades so that I could get a good job when I graduated.
On and on and on it went. I spent so much of my life on a treadmill, always chasing the next achievement, the next goal. I spent my entire life asking myself that fateful question: “What’s next?” What’s the next promotion, the next achievement, the next recognition?
When is it ever enough?
Next will come in its own time, but now is more important. As a striver and planner, it is hard for me to not keep pushing for more. Learning contentment and peace has been a process. But over the years, I have learned to quiet that constant ambition in favor of seeing the absolute joy in where I am.
Life is not a bucket list as much as it is a series of journeys where you pick things up along the way. The checkboxes are mere souvenirs. What you do to get there means more.
Finding joy in the journey is about more than just trying to get somewhere. It’s about knowing that you are making progress and growing along the way, even without the tangible achievements and rewards. So how do we shift our perspective?
How to tune in to the now
In a society that’s constantly thinking about the future and striving for what’s next, it can be easy to overlook the present. This is especially common in high-power jobs and cutting-edge industries. But making the most of now means getting in touch with it, no matter what plans or aspirations we have for the future. To do this, try asking yourself:
What do I find joy in right now? Think about what brings you joy now. Not things that make you excited about the future, but things that make you happy in the present. That could be anything from sitting across from your family at the dinner table to working on a product with a team you love. What gives that spark to your daily life?
What can I do to find more meaning in where I am? Often, the things we’re focused on now don’t end up being the things we wish we had focused on later. Instead of assuming meaning will come from your next promotion, pay raise, or achievement, try looking for things that have meaning in the present. That might mean setting up a mentoring program at work or teaching a new hire class on company culture. Or you could take up writing, journaling, or starting a new hobby. What can you add to your life to make it more fulfilling today?
What have I missed because I am looking too far ahead? Think back on what you wish you could have appreciated more about the past, then use it to change your relationship with now. If you wish you could have spent more time developing a skill, start making more time for it today. If you wish you could have appreciated your relationships more, start putting more work into your current ones. Missing out can be painful, but it can also show us exactly where to put more of our attention going forward.
Give these questions some thought, and get in the habit of revisiting them from time to time to realign your priorities. There’s no need to throw away all your ambitions, but when you get too caught up in what comes next, this can give you some much-needed perspective.
We spend so much of our lives focused on the future, but happiness often lies in the moments we overlook in the process. Getting back in touch with the present lets us see life for what it really is: not just a series of accomplishments, but the journey we take along the way.
That’s why, instead of asking, “What’s next?” I challenge you to ask, “What's now?” How can you make the moment you’re in the best it can possibly be?
This immediately resonates, but one question I always wonder is: would we be as successful if we were not always striving? It’s interesting that Deb comments she regrets spending so much of her life striving, but she has worked up to CEO of a public company. If instead her career dreams were unfulfilled, would she still then wish she had strived less? I feel like it would be the opposite, the striving creates the results. This is a question I ask myself. Maybe it’s a false choice. What do you all think?
My personal take on this topic, having slipped into my 68th year here on earth this week, is my distinctly different views on [playing] baseball versus basketball. My experience playing baseball taught me that, "you've got a much more strategic advantage" in that THERE ARE 9-INNINGS to play out~ In basketball, you're playing against both the opponent AND THE "CLOCK" which contributes mightily to "when the game ends"! Both baseball and my 20s thru 50s work "for the man" were somewhat of a ho-hum daily chore. Now, having lead a company of my own "and still striving to polish all of the rough edges off of it" I'm, again... at 68... playing MOREso "AGAINST THE CLOCK" than any other factor! I wish I would have been much more aggressive and assertive from 20s - 50s as I am now~ Would have made for a much better "winding down of the clock"!