I too faced a lot of racism growing up in Boston. It was only after attending Stanford where my dorm was 50% Asian did I realize how amazing, comfortable and free it is to be in the majority.
I also live in the SF Bay Area and am so grateful my kids can just be themselves rather than being wounded by racism like I was- it’s amazing to be seen as a whole person, not just as Asian stereotype.
Thank you for encouraging people to create inclusive environments- at work, in the church, in our communities. We all have so much to offer and learn from each other.
Creating a sense of belonging is key to establishing vulnerability-based trust in the workplace and beyond. Something we think a lot about at anthym – using different cultural touchpoints like music to help people evoke memories and tell stories is a great way to break down those initial barriers and get to know each other on a human level. Belonging is so crucial in our lives...we are social animals. That's why the Surgeon General announced that eradicating Loneliness & Isolation is his #1 priority in 2024 (the effects of which are more dangerous to our health than smoking!).
Thank you Deb. As a 1st generation immigrant myself and fellow Asian woman in Product, I resonate your article a lot. 10 years+ in, in the eyes of some, 'I have made it', if career trajectory and title is the yardstick. I don't find the need to feel I belong but I still find myself wanting to be liked. The sense of 'not good enough' is daily which becomes draining.
My follow-up question is, how to create sense of belong for myself and my team in a remote working world.
I am not collocated with my core team - the team I manage, my eng counterparts, my manager. The center of power is in SF while I am in NYC.
There is observation / concern I have that I am somehow left out, intentionally or unintentionally, on important but informal, in-person conversations. My influence on key stakeholder is not as effective but I can't justify relocation for this job, neither it is required of me. I have been going SF monthly.
Connection happens in the time between the work. Building bridges means connecting over things which are not necessarily all about your project, but more about finding commonalities. I joined a group where the team felt disconnected, so I created a "cat meme" channel where we could just chit chat about things. We shared articles we read, discuss the news of the day, and support each other when someone gets sick. We do work on there too, but the goal is to have work not be the only focus. It would be just like you are in person and you show a funny video or article with a co-worker before a meeting starts, but virtually.
Everyone craves belonging. Be the catalyst. Create welcome rituals or other touchstones for the team. Build culture even from afar (swag, games, etc).
If you are left off, gently remind them and ask what you can do to ensure you are included. But be proactive and unapologetic.
Hey Alexandria! I know you were asking Deb, but I wanted to jump in and thank you for asking this question. I’m a former foster bi-racial woman in Product and the constant rotation of colleagues combined with the long distance nature of our remote work collaboration is working my “other” wounds like I would have never imagined. Creating a culture of openness and efficiency while constantly onboarding, researching, planning, and networking is no small feat so I’m interested to see how others approach this!
On my team, we have a reading list, a shared playlist, and host monthly happy hours to feel more connected and it’s working well so far!
Thank you both for the replies, Deb and Stephanie! I am not alone! I have my tribe, up here :)
I have thought about team bonding online and in-person if/when I go to SF. Just never prioritize time for it. Also my team across 3 timezones, GMT, PST and I am in EST. Synchronous event/activities are challenging. But I will try and be creative - maybe Fun Fact Friday, ha.
OH, it just happens that 'personal development and wellbeing' was brought up during Leadership Team offsite kickoff today. I intend to ride on the momentum, secure resource for team offsite quarterly. We also have learning budget; I could host book club since I already read a lot for my own PM craft. The only concern is if/how committed others would be.
Either case, I will give it a few hard tries. And hopefully i have suggestion to share back in 6 months time.
Lastly, a question. Is this sense of belonging, or lack thereof, primarily felt by female professionals? I don't recall i have ever heard my male colleagues mentioned 1:1 or in group.
I find that the topics you write about always come at the right time for me and I resonate greatly with them. It's a bit weird at times to be honest, but more than scary it's that exact feeling of belonging that you talk about here, knowing there are others who feel the same and have overcame or working towards overcoming those challenges gives me a feeling of belonging. Thank you for sharing your experiences and learnings with us.
Thanks Deb for the insight. Networking or not, it is really a case for wanting to belong. I read today, We all get FOMO and FOPO (Fear of missing out and Fear of other people's opinion) and so to not to be left out, we all dress like them, talk like them. This is so prevalent in our community. I am re-reading your post to see what I can do for me and my family to help them.
I too faced a lot of racism growing up in Boston. It was only after attending Stanford where my dorm was 50% Asian did I realize how amazing, comfortable and free it is to be in the majority.
I also live in the SF Bay Area and am so grateful my kids can just be themselves rather than being wounded by racism like I was- it’s amazing to be seen as a whole person, not just as Asian stereotype.
Thank you for encouraging people to create inclusive environments- at work, in the church, in our communities. We all have so much to offer and learn from each other.
Creating a sense of belonging is key to establishing vulnerability-based trust in the workplace and beyond. Something we think a lot about at anthym – using different cultural touchpoints like music to help people evoke memories and tell stories is a great way to break down those initial barriers and get to know each other on a human level. Belonging is so crucial in our lives...we are social animals. That's why the Surgeon General announced that eradicating Loneliness & Isolation is his #1 priority in 2024 (the effects of which are more dangerous to our health than smoking!).
So true Jeremy. Isolation and loneliness is a disease that is hard to eradicate with pills!!
Thank you Deb. As a 1st generation immigrant myself and fellow Asian woman in Product, I resonate your article a lot. 10 years+ in, in the eyes of some, 'I have made it', if career trajectory and title is the yardstick. I don't find the need to feel I belong but I still find myself wanting to be liked. The sense of 'not good enough' is daily which becomes draining.
My follow-up question is, how to create sense of belong for myself and my team in a remote working world.
I am not collocated with my core team - the team I manage, my eng counterparts, my manager. The center of power is in SF while I am in NYC.
There is observation / concern I have that I am somehow left out, intentionally or unintentionally, on important but informal, in-person conversations. My influence on key stakeholder is not as effective but I can't justify relocation for this job, neither it is required of me. I have been going SF monthly.
What advise would you share? Thanks
Connection happens in the time between the work. Building bridges means connecting over things which are not necessarily all about your project, but more about finding commonalities. I joined a group where the team felt disconnected, so I created a "cat meme" channel where we could just chit chat about things. We shared articles we read, discuss the news of the day, and support each other when someone gets sick. We do work on there too, but the goal is to have work not be the only focus. It would be just like you are in person and you show a funny video or article with a co-worker before a meeting starts, but virtually.
Everyone craves belonging. Be the catalyst. Create welcome rituals or other touchstones for the team. Build culture even from afar (swag, games, etc).
If you are left off, gently remind them and ask what you can do to ensure you are included. But be proactive and unapologetic.
Hey Alexandria! I know you were asking Deb, but I wanted to jump in and thank you for asking this question. I’m a former foster bi-racial woman in Product and the constant rotation of colleagues combined with the long distance nature of our remote work collaboration is working my “other” wounds like I would have never imagined. Creating a culture of openness and efficiency while constantly onboarding, researching, planning, and networking is no small feat so I’m interested to see how others approach this!
On my team, we have a reading list, a shared playlist, and host monthly happy hours to feel more connected and it’s working well so far!
Thank you both for the replies, Deb and Stephanie! I am not alone! I have my tribe, up here :)
I have thought about team bonding online and in-person if/when I go to SF. Just never prioritize time for it. Also my team across 3 timezones, GMT, PST and I am in EST. Synchronous event/activities are challenging. But I will try and be creative - maybe Fun Fact Friday, ha.
OH, it just happens that 'personal development and wellbeing' was brought up during Leadership Team offsite kickoff today. I intend to ride on the momentum, secure resource for team offsite quarterly. We also have learning budget; I could host book club since I already read a lot for my own PM craft. The only concern is if/how committed others would be.
Either case, I will give it a few hard tries. And hopefully i have suggestion to share back in 6 months time.
Lastly, a question. Is this sense of belonging, or lack thereof, primarily felt by female professionals? I don't recall i have ever heard my male colleagues mentioned 1:1 or in group.
Thanks for this important post, Deb.
I really like your suggestions about how to create a healthy culture of belonging, where people can respectfully disagree.
Awesome insights. Thanks Deb.
I find that the topics you write about always come at the right time for me and I resonate greatly with them. It's a bit weird at times to be honest, but more than scary it's that exact feeling of belonging that you talk about here, knowing there are others who feel the same and have overcame or working towards overcoming those challenges gives me a feeling of belonging. Thank you for sharing your experiences and learnings with us.
Thanks Deb for the insight. Networking or not, it is really a case for wanting to belong. I read today, We all get FOMO and FOPO (Fear of missing out and Fear of other people's opinion) and so to not to be left out, we all dress like them, talk like them. This is so prevalent in our community. I am re-reading your post to see what I can do for me and my family to help them.