I'm reading this on a day when my mother suddenly got very sick and needed to be taken to the ER. The last time she went to hospital was 1995. Thankfully she's ok (a case of acute appendicitis, same day surgery and home resting). But my sisters and our husbands spent hours in the ER waiting room, talking about what's to come as we enter our prime family and career building years. Thank you for this practical list of discussions we need to have.
Excellent piece Deb - I'm dealing with all of this as well right now. It is wildly helpful and it validates a lot of how I've been feeling. Thank you for writing this. I'm so sad to hear you've been through this, and I appreciate the thought you've put into detailing this out so well.
It was a hard one to write because so much of this goes on behind the scenes. While it is one thing to say your child is sick and you need to stay home, how do you explain that you need to take your mom to the doctor twice a week? It is a complicated issue and most facing it do so quietly.
This is exactly right. My fund has been insanely supportive and it's still so hard I can barely breathe most days. It's tough to be present and enjoy motherhood / life / work when everything feels like it is precariously perched and one wrong move explodes the whole day. The sadness and anxiety contrast with the joy for my children and hunger for my career can be all too much at times. Solidarity 💪🏻
I did not have a term for this when I got a call while at work that my mom had collapsed on the road while with my kids from a cerebrovascular accident. She would go on to have two more strokes, and those years were marked by a lot of hospital visits ,a cocktail of very powerful and often negative emotions, including unsaid resentment between my siblings and I as I had to handle all of this alone with my husband. You find yourself dealing with a lot of backlog while also being required to focus and perform well at work, and take good care of your kids. I also wondered at the impact of so much stress on my kids perceptions of adult life/work/marriage. I have often wondered at the cost to our mental health of the things we find ourselves having to manage.
Deb, wow - your story has so many overlaps / parallels with my friend, Jessica Kim. I think you’d really enjoy getting to know each other, if you don’t know each other already. She was on a podcast recently telling her story: https://theideamaze.substack.com/p/jessica-kim-co-founder-and-ceo-of
I'm reading this on a day when my mother suddenly got very sick and needed to be taken to the ER. The last time she went to hospital was 1995. Thankfully she's ok (a case of acute appendicitis, same day surgery and home resting). But my sisters and our husbands spent hours in the ER waiting room, talking about what's to come as we enter our prime family and career building years. Thank you for this practical list of discussions we need to have.
My thoughts are with your family especially your mom. I hope she recovers quickly.
Excellent piece Deb - I'm dealing with all of this as well right now. It is wildly helpful and it validates a lot of how I've been feeling. Thank you for writing this. I'm so sad to hear you've been through this, and I appreciate the thought you've put into detailing this out so well.
It was a hard one to write because so much of this goes on behind the scenes. While it is one thing to say your child is sick and you need to stay home, how do you explain that you need to take your mom to the doctor twice a week? It is a complicated issue and most facing it do so quietly.
This is exactly right. My fund has been insanely supportive and it's still so hard I can barely breathe most days. It's tough to be present and enjoy motherhood / life / work when everything feels like it is precariously perched and one wrong move explodes the whole day. The sadness and anxiety contrast with the joy for my children and hunger for my career can be all too much at times. Solidarity 💪🏻
I did not have a term for this when I got a call while at work that my mom had collapsed on the road while with my kids from a cerebrovascular accident. She would go on to have two more strokes, and those years were marked by a lot of hospital visits ,a cocktail of very powerful and often negative emotions, including unsaid resentment between my siblings and I as I had to handle all of this alone with my husband. You find yourself dealing with a lot of backlog while also being required to focus and perform well at work, and take good care of your kids. I also wondered at the impact of so much stress on my kids perceptions of adult life/work/marriage. I have often wondered at the cost to our mental health of the things we find ourselves having to manage.
Thank You for sharing the truth. We see success and often forego the background struggle.
+1 Going through this currently. AARP has great structured content to organize the plan. https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/
Thank you for sharing! It is a really helpful resource.
Deb, wow - your story has so many overlaps / parallels with my friend, Jessica Kim. I think you’d really enjoy getting to know each other, if you don’t know each other already. She was on a podcast recently telling her story: https://theideamaze.substack.com/p/jessica-kim-co-founder-and-ceo-of
Also her website tells her story: https://ianacare.com/about/
I was reading the article and The Idea Maze and realized that it was written by Rob Go, someone I went to college with. Small world.
What a small world! I met Rob and Jess at the same place - a church in Brookline!